


Only Diamonds Now Remain

by midnightoasis



Category: My Mad Fat Diary
Genre: Alternate Canon, F/M, Mentions of Chloe but it's just Rae and Finn in this fic, So basically I have a lot of feelings, This is my first non One Direction fic, be nice, please
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-12
Updated: 2014-01-12
Packaged: 2018-01-08 10:27:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1131550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/midnightoasis/pseuds/midnightoasis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There was a light at the end of the tunnel and it wasn't because she was dying. It was because she was starting to live, with her arms reaching for the moon. Her lips kissing the stars.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Only Diamonds Now Remain

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, Hi. Nice to meet you MMFD fandom. So, this is my first non-1D fic and I didn't know where this was going when I started this. The contex of this fic is entirely up to you. Is this what would happen if Rae hadn't kissed Archie and Finn hadn't kissed Chloe at the rave? Is this after Finn admits his love for her? It's up to you. I just couldn't get this out of my mind for the past few days. Literally. If you follow me on tumblr, you know. Anyway, I hope you enjoy! :)

  
Finn was in front of her (he's _always_ in front of her) and he had this ridiculous expression on his face. His eyebrows were doing that thing that makes her heart go _bumbumbumbum_ , and a frown tugging at the corner of his mouth (his lips plump, pink as a rosy dawn).

  
"So," he starts. His voice is tight and rough like sandpaper. Rae thinks he might've smoked a cigarette earlier. "You gonna stop at mine then?"

  
And Rae probably should. She's tired and she still hasn't come down from whatever drug Chop got that night. It was blue and tasted like chemicals but it made Rae feel like a bird. Made her see colors dancing all around her and the people she was with and she can still feel it, too. In the way her arms felt like wings, in the way Finn looks so fuzzy around the edges instead of sharp and unforgiving (and she thinks that maybe he's purple with a smudge of blue in there somewhere because sometimes he's soft, like now, and it's a quiet sort of presence).

  
"Yeah," she blurts out. There's a moment where Finn doesn't say anything but Rae notices the little twitch his hands do. He's itching for another smoke, she can tell, and his eyes are a bit red. "Would that be alright?"

  
Finn scoffs, this little breath that Rae can practically feel all over her skin. He shakes his head and tugs at the sleeve of his jacket. "Of course it is, you knobhead." He says and it's only a whisper but Rae can hear it, clear as a bell.

  
She laughs because she's drunk and high and all those good things that work as an excuse (and in the morning, when she wakes up, she'll kick herself for getting fucked but she won't care because she's in Finn's house and it'll smell like tea and breakfast and that'll make up for the nausea).

  
Finn smiles and holds out his hand, reaching for hers in the still of the night. She stares at it a moment, but only a moment, and then wraps her fingers around the palm of his hand. It's callused and rough, like she imagined it would be. But it's not hard. She turns her face away so he can't see her bite her lip. The high makes everything she touches feel like a new wonder, makes her want to explore it. So she grasps it firmly and runs her thumb along the back of his hand, the skin there like velvet. She smiles to herself.

  
They leave the party behind them, loud thumping music echoing all around them in fading hums. It might've been cold out tonight, Rae thinks. But the heat of Finn next to her and the thrum of drugs pulsing through her veins makes it warmer than it ought to be.

  
"Sick party tonight." Finn says to her as they walk. He's gotten a cig out and Rae doesn't even know when he did that but she tries very hard not to stare at it as it dangles from his lips.

  
"Yeah," she mumbles the best she can without sounding too drunk. "You see Chloe? She did the splits! Who knew she could do that? Did you know she could do that?"

  
Finn sucks on the filter of the cigarette and exhales a cloud of smoke, watches it disappear in the air. "Don't really want to talk about her, Rae." He licks his lips and gives her a sidelong glance, puts the filter back in his mouth.

  
"What do you want to talk about then?" she asks as she ignores the need to tell him that everyone _always_ wants to talk about Chloe.

  
As he exhales once more, he lets the cig hang from he corner of his mouth. He turns their hands over and spells out _You_ on her palm. She can feel every letter he traces on to her skin like fire, and her breath hitches. He looks up at her and there isn't much light, save for the moon and the stars, guardians of the night.

  
(There's a smile playing at his lips and the sweep of his fringe just brush against his eyelashes in a way that makes Rae want to push them aside. Maybe even steal a kiss.)

  
"I'm a boring person with great taste in music," she smiles. "That what you wanted to hear?"

  
"No," Finn chuckles. He drops their hands but keeps holding on to hers as they get closer to his scooter. "Not exactly."

  
Rae hums and rolls her eyes but smiles when Finn bumps their shoulders. As they approach the scooter, Finn hands Rae the extra helmet and casts the butt of the cigarette off into the bushes, the smoke still curling out from his lips.

  
-

  
When they reach Finn's house, everything is dark, silent. There aren't any cars home either and Rae, who's been steadily coming down from her high and is approaching half way to sober, feels like her heart might run away. As she hops off the scooter, her knees shake and she almost falls over, a surprised noise she didn't know she could make escaping her lips.

  
Finn's hands are there, though, steadying her balance, his solid weight grounding her.

  
"You alright?" his face, scrunched with concern, still soft around the edges, Rae thinks. "Yeah, fine." she smiles although she probably doesn't sound convincing because Finn's hands don't leave her side. She tries to undo the buckle from the helmet but her fingers fumble and he says, "Here, let me."

  
His knuckles graze her chin as he fingers the clips and Rae thinks again about how good his hands feel. Like a musician's, really. She wonders if he plays guitar or another instrument of some kind.

  
Finn laughs and Rae's cheeks flare up; she hadn't realized she's said it out loud. "I play guitar, remember? But not very good- watch your step." Finn says as they walk up the short steps to his front door. Rae's skin feels cold in the places where Finn has removed his hands to find the key under the mat. She thinks about Finn playing the guitar and his bottom lip jutting out in concentration, his fingers finding chords easily, and she tucks it away in her mind to save for later.

  
Finn gets the door open and leads them up the stairs to his room and Rae tries desperately not to trip over her own feet. She counts _one...two...three...four.._. until she's at the top and takes in a deep breath, her hand automatically reaching for Finn's but pulls it back because she's not sure if she can. Finn notices, however (he always notices things like that) and takes her hand, intertwines their fingers together with a slight smile that probably wasn't meant for Rae's eyes. There's a beat where they don't move and Rae doesn't mind because Finn squeezes her fingers for a second and then he opens the door, swearing as he trips over something in the dark.

  
He reaches out to his side and flicks on the light switch, the sudden brightness causing Rae's head to pound. Finn see's her face and whispers an apology before guiding her to the bed for her to sit.

  
"You need rest," Finn says. "I'll get you some tea- earl grey?" He gently pushes down on her shoulders for her to sit. She nods and feels herself become torn between relief and sadness as he lets go of her completely. Relief because this bed is soft as fuck and she'd been on her feet all night dancing to shitty music. Sadness because she's still a bit under the influence and Finn's hands feel like fucking heaven. She resorts to just sitting there wringing her hands together while Finn puts down his jacket and takes off his shoes before heading downstairs with a cheeky grin that was definitely aimed at her this time. She throws him a smile.

  
Once he's gone, she can feel her whole body become instantly tired, her limbs screaming. She doesn't feel like a bird anymore, she thinks. More like she got trampled on by a hundred people. She steals a pillow from the top of the bed and places it behind her, careful not to move too fast. When she lays her head down, she can see out of the window that's directly above her, the stars burning intensly, like they're happy to see her.

  
She can see all of the different constellations, too. Reaching out a hand, she pretends to trace them with her finger, making up constellations in her mind. Like connect the dots. She doesn't even know what she's making, to be honest, but she giggles anyway. She likes the stars. It doesn't matter who's looking at them, they shine for everyone. Even someone like her, she thinks.

  
Finn comes back a few minutes later when she's just finished connecting the stars to make a bunny, a cup of tea in his hands, the steam billowing up and up and up.

  
"Orion's my favorite," he says, pointing to the window. "Sometimes I lay on my bed and look at the stars. Can't really see them some nights but I know they're there. They always are."

  
"I've always liked the Little Dipper. Since I was little." Rae sits up, takes the tea with smile and says, "You know, sometimes you surprise me. The things you say."

  
"I'm full of surprises, Rae." he smiles as he sits next to her. There's a twinkle in his eye and Rae wonders how someone can hold the sky in his eyes without even trying.

  
"I believe that." she nods, because she does. He's been surprising her ever since they met. It makes her wonder about him sometimes. What he'll do next, what he'll say next. It's never boring with Finn.

  
She sets her tea on the window sill and continues to look up at the sky. Finn lies down on the bed, his arms thrown behind his head and looks up as well. Rae joins him, her heart leaping when he inches closer.

  
She stares at the stars for a bit, watching them sparkle and fade and then she glances sideways at Finn who's already staring at her, his mouth turned up in a sweet smile. He reaches over, pushes some hair back behind her ear and runs his thumb along her cheekbone ( _hands_ , Rae thinks), his touch like a slow burning flame licking along her skin. She closes her eyes and breathes in deep. She can smell vodka on Finn's breath and earthy cologne on his skin, mixed with sweat from dancing earlier that evening.

  
"You're not boring, you know." He whispers. "Don't know how you can think that. You're the most interesting person I know."

  
She doesn't know what to say to that so she kisses his hand where it's still caressing her cheek as a thank you. Finn's breath hitches and she has to use all of her willpower to not eat him whole. She does it again and opens her eyes. Finn's eyes are closed and he's biting his lip so hard it's turning white. Her hand comes up to touch, placing her finger gently on his bottom lip. His eyes flutter open and looks at her in that way that he always looks at her. His eyebrows turned up, his mouth slightly open. His skin looks like it's carved from marble but as she presses down gently on his lip she thinks about rose petals and velvet and everything else that feels like his skin does.

  
"Rae," he starts but he doesn't even finish because he's pulling her down towards him by the back of her neck, crushing their lips together.

  
It's all tongue and teeth and booze but Rae can _taste_ him somewhere in there, too. Sweet, like honeysuckle or something sweeter, she doesn't know but _fucking hell_. It's slow, probably because they're drunk and they're not in a rush to do anything but Rae couldn't give two fucks. She licks into his mouth and smiles when he makes this noise that sounds like approval in the back of his throat.

  
They pull away for air and Finn's got this dopey look on his face and his lips are kiss-swollen and his hair's a mess. No doubt she looks just as bad but she couldn't even care. She looks up one last time and sees that the stars are still there, smiling down on them. She can't help but think of when she was in that bad place before. She thinks of how far she's made it and how wonderful it is to be alive.

  
There was a light at the end of the tunnel and it wasn't because she was dying. It was because she was starting to live, with her arms reaching for the moon. Her lips kissing the stars.

 

 


End file.
